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It’s a challenge many multilingual families face. Your child understands everything but doesn't feel comfortable speaking. They might follow instructions, laugh at jokes, and even respond with a nod or a gesture—but when you might expect a response? Silence.
In a previous blog comment, a mum of two asked about this very issue and I wanted to help as it’s a common frustration, and if you’re facing it, you’re not alone.
We know because we lived it too!
Despite being born and raised in Spain, our second child chose to communicate in only English.
But when it came to Spanish? His response was:
“Talk normal, Mummy.”
(Yes, by normal, he meant English!)
Every child’s language journey is unique, and it’s natural for one language to take the lead. But if keeping your heritage language alive matters to you, there are ways to gently encourage more speech—without pressure, frustration, or turning it into a battle.
Why Is My Bilingual Child Not Speaking? Common Reasons
There’s no single reason why a child chooses one language over another, but there are a few common patterns:
💡 They don’t need to use it
Language is all about necessity. If they can get what they want in the dominant language, why switch?
💡 They don’t hear it enough
If a child isn’t getting enough exposure, they might not have the vocabulary or grammar to express themselves confidently—even if they understand a lot. Without regular, varied input, speaking can feel too difficult.
💡 They’re following social cues
Kids take their lead from the world around them. If school, friends, and siblings all use one language, it becomes their “default.”
💡 They’re self-conscious about making mistakes
Some children want to be perfect before they even try. If they think they might say something wrong, they’ll just avoid speaking altogether.
💡 They’ve formed a habit
If they’ve always used one language with certain people, it can feel strange to switch.
💡 It’s just part of their personality
Some kids naturally talk less, take longer to warm up, or go through silent phases before they start speaking in a new language.
The good news? This isn’t a sign they won’t ever speak the language. With the right encouragement, you can help them feel more confident and willing to use it.
How to Gently Encourage Speaking Without Pressure
The key here is to make the heritage language feel fun, natural, and useful.
1️⃣ Create Small Moments Where the Heritage Language is Needed
No tricks. No pressure. Just simple ways to make the language the natural choice.
✅ Special activities – Have a routine where bedtime stories, a favourite game or baking together is always in the heritage language.
✅ Songs & rhymes – Short, predictable songs encourage participation. Try leaving off the last word so they can “fill in the blank.”
✅ Join fun activities in the heritage language – Look for local groups, events or celebrations that match your child’s interests. When a language is linked to something exciting, kids engage more.
2️⃣ One-on-One Time in the Heritage Language
When siblings are around, children often default to their shared language. One-on-one time creates space for them to feel comfortable using the heritage language.
✅ Play together – Lego, dolls, dinosaurs—whatever they love. Narrate what’s happening and let them join in when they’re ready.
✅ Explore outside – A simple walk can spark language. “Look at that! A butterfly! What do you see?” (They don’t need to answer right away.)
✅ Storytelling together – Retell familiar stories and let them fill in small details.
The goal isn’t to “force” them to speak.
It's to create safe, natural moments where they feel comfortable using the language.
3️⃣ Keep Conversations Simple & Predictable
Big, open-ended questions like “What did you do today?” can feel overwhelming. Instead, begin using simple, repetitive structures:
✅ Yes/No questions
❓ “Is the cat sleeping?”
❓“Do you like apples?”
✅ Choice questions
❓ “Would you like the blue cup or the red cup?”
❓“Is the monkey happy or sad?”
✅ Fill-in-the-blank
❓ “The dog is in the .” (They say “house!”)
❓“The princess found a .” (They say “dragon!”)
If they only say one word, that’s still progress! Confidence grows with small successes.
🚫 What to Avoid: Common Pitfalls to be Aware of
Sometimes with the best intentions, we can unknowingly create more resistance than encouragement.
❌ Saying, “Say it in (insert heritage language here)!”
This feels like a test rather than a conversation. Instead, keep the dialogue going naturally in the heritage language, modelling the words you want them to use.
❌ Comparing Them to an Older Sibling
Every child develops at their own pace—language use is no different. What worked for one child won’t necessarily work for another, and that’s okay!
❌ Waiting & Hoping They’ll “Just Start Talking One Day”
For some kids, this happens naturally. But if there’s no regular input and no motivation, they may never start using the heritage language on their own. The longer they go without speaking, the harder it becomes.
❌ Saying in Front of Them, “She Understands but Doesn’t Speak”
Kids hear everything!
If they start to feel labelled as "the child who doesn’t speak,” they may internalise it—and resist even more. Instead, reframe it positively to remove pressure:
✅ Fix? – Say something like "She’s learning so much!" or "He understands really well—I know he’ll speak when he’s ready!" This keeps confidence high and removes any unintended shame.
✅ Overall Fix? – Stay consistent, be patient, and keep making the language part of everyday life. Children learn best in environments where language is meaningful, fun, and pressure-free!
Final Thoughts: Patience & Persistence Pay Off
Our second child resisted speaking Spanish and Catalan at first.
But we stayed consistent. We never forced him to switch, but we made his languages part of everyday life—learning through our community, discovery, stories, games and conversations.
Over time, things changed. Bit by bit, he started using his three languages naturally, without pressure.
It's not about forcing a language. It’s about keeping the door open, being patient, and making it feel natural and fun.
With consistent input, encouragement, and no pressure, your child will find their way into speaking their heritage language—at their own pace, in their own time.
💬 Let’s Keep the Conversation Going!
Have you faced this challenge in your own bilingual family?
What’s worked (or not worked) for you?
Drop a comment below! Your experiences might help another parent going through the same thing.
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Thanks for sharing this article, we identified 100%. We'll keep trying by following these recomendatios and avoid knowingly what not to do.
We hope the little one can join the club soon.
Great advice! We often focus too much on what's visible/above the surface(the language our children choose to speak) instead of paying attention to what below the surface.